How to Lose A Friend In 10 Minutes Or Less

Ever sit down with a friend who just started exploring coaching methodology and in a blink of an eye, you became the unwilling participant in the session, and you had to stop it before it gets to a damaging level?

Build rapport

Developing trust needs a lot of work and part of the work is to build rapport. Building rapport creates trust. And trust, is the basic foundation to a success conversations, and in my case, the career conversations I had with many of my clients.

I found a very interesting write up on why developing rapport is essential. From the Training Journal, it mentions that there are 4 elements for facilitative coaching:

  1. Perceived empathy
  2. Trust
  3. Belief
  4. A positivistic setting.

And, one (1) key item that a lot of newbies fail to do is to create “the contract”, basically laying down some basic expectations on what might transpire within the sessions.


The damning experience

These are top 5 experiences that I’d like to share in my several years of having to say “no” to friends who try to make me their unwilling participant:

  1. Do not be an a@@ h@@e for assuming that every single conversation will lead to a coaching moment.
  2. Sometimes, all one need is a simple chat, enjoy the teh tarik with some friends, and people watching.  However, once in a while someone might try to “test” their newfound knowledge by asking the “coaching” questions. You know it from 10 miles away because your friend does not usually talk like that…
  3. Peppering every single conversation by quoting your certification’s lessons and your trainer’s quotes.
  4. By believing that only what YOU have been certified is the ONLY God gospel in helping other people. There are many others who are doing wonderful work, work that works with their clients. I had a friend who told me that her certification is the ONLY recognized certificate in the world and started to dismiss the work of others.

Work-life balance and why is yours and mine are not the same?

One of the key areas my client and I will sit down together is to walk through, in detail, their work-life balance sheet. What’s a conversation on work-life balance and career got to do with anything, you might ask?


  • Whenever I sit with a 45 year old client, we would explore at how he would articulate his successes to surface up his sense of achievements, his legacy so to speak. And, try to see how this could be captured in narrative.
  • Sitting with a 35 year old client would likely be focusing on his relationship development and how this can strengthen his career progress while aligning towards company, self and work values.

Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development clearly defines the 8 stages of psychosocial development where “personality develops in a predetermined order, and builds upon each previous stage.”

Are you intrigued yet? Follow me Hanie Razaif-Bohlender (HRB)